As I've said before, seeing others create and grow in their dreams is one of the most inspiring things. I love reading stories of how people came to work with the thing they love. It can happen, and it will happen as long as you don't give up your dream. Those stories give hope and joy. And I hope to one day be able to share a story of my own.
I know that because of me being highly sensitive I will have trouble working full time and have energy enough to feel like I have a life. Those periods when I have worked full time has been nothing more than work for me. All I remember doing these last few summers is working. I've done nothing more than work, because my energy isn't enough. Looking back it feels incredibly sad that the time of the year when you're supposed to get some rest and have fun enjoying the wonderful weather has been the exact opposite for me.
That's why I dream of working in an environment that suits me, of work that gives me energy instead of draining me. I'd love to work in a way so that I would have energy enough to meet a friend after work or do something more than being at home watching Netflix. Because I know that I am worth more than that. I have more to give and would like to feel free for once. Right now I am too exhausted and it makes me feel trapped, that's not how I want my life to be. I have dreams of something better for me, cause I know that I'm worth it.
I'm having some trouble right now. I'm too much in front of a screen! Studying, working, relaxing in front of the TV, editing and all the other stuff in between. It numbs me, my head feels stuffed. Today I've reached that point when its too much. I've had enough. Luckily enough I have complete silence around me, otherwise I would have even more to take in. It gets a bit insane sometimes.
Normally my days aren't like this because I know I can't handle it. I don't know how other people do it. I have to have breaks, getting some fresh air, reading a book thinking about something else.
The sad thing is that for a while I haven't had the energy to read those wonderful books I have laying around. The pile of books keeps on growing and I can't help but feel a bit sad that I'm not there enjoying them. That I'm not indulging in one of my favorite things. How will I get out of this slump? Because I know that the one thing that actually gives me more energy is actually reading and getting lost in a story.
I guess I have to try to better myself, and give it at least a couple of minutes every day. Maybe I will se a change. We'll see.
Yesterday evening I got to spend with some awesome ladies that I'm grateful to be able to call friends. It's not often time is I get the kind of honest encounter like yesterday. I was up in the clouds when I left to go home.
I'm the kind of person who likes to stay at home. I like being by myself a lot of the time, even though you're not really alone when you're married. And I spend a lot of time alone. But that gives me time to read and the quiet that I need to regain energy. Which is all great for me. However, once in a while, I find the need to share thoughts and feelings. I'm not the most talkative person, I think most people know that. But even we who don't always talk have a need to be heard.
This is probably why I don't see myself having a lot of friends. Cause I like to have people close. So that when we actually meet there's no need to keep it shallow. I hate small talk. Can't deal with it. But it comes with a problem. I stop myself from talking and getting to know new people. One, because I don't need it, and two, because I'm scared of it. Truthfully I think we all need new people and fresh winds in our lives occasionally. How will we otherwise move forward?
This is one of the things that I hope to be better at in the future. I'm striving to turning my fears into something I'll be good at someday.
Yesterday I realised, while we shared our thoughts, that we are all actually the same. We think we're the only ones fighting our fight, whatever it might be. When we're actually fighting the same thing. What if we joined our forces and together took a stand against loneliness, depression etc. The power lies in sharing and finding others that are going through the same things as you. Together we are stronger.